Loneliness, Listening, and the Gift of Presence

I recently offered these reflections as part of a discussion on the causes and impacts of loneliness in the United States. They are lightly edited. 

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In preparation for our discussion today, I began catching up on current research on loneliness. The largest recent study I could find was published in May 2018 by Cigna. They surveyed more than 20,000 adults in the USA and found that 46% of Americans reported to feeling lonely, and 27% “rarely or never feel as though there are people who really understand them.” They also found that: 

• “Two in five Americans sometimes or always feel that their relationships are not meaningful (43 percent) and that they are isolated from others (43 percent). 
• “One in five people report they rarely or never feel close to people (20 percent) or feel like there are people they can talk to (18 percent). 
• “Only around half of Americans (53 percent) have meaningful in-person social interactions, such as having an extended conversation with a friend or spending quality time with family, on a daily basis.” (https://www.multivu.com/players/English/8294451-cigna-us-loneliness-survey/ ) 

These are high numbers – high enough that it is statistically likely that a significant amount of us gathered here today can find ourselves in these figures. We all have our own reasons, struggles, stories, anxieties, and fears. And more than a few of us feel isolated, cut off. We may have even tried to reach out, only to feel more misunderstood and alone. 

World Day of Migrants and Refugees

I gave the following reflection at Community Christian Church on September 29, 2019, in honor of the World Day of Migrants and Refugees. It is lightly edited. 

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The World Day of Migrants and Refugees has been an annual remembrance in the Roman Catholic Church since 1914. Tragically, the exploitation of migrants and refugees has continued through these years, as our shared and ongoing reflections on the unfolding immigration and refugee crisis on the southwest border of the USA demonstrate. But it is also important to remember that this is a global tragedy. Today, there are 70.8 million forcibly displaced people worldwide; 25.9 million of those are refugees and 3.5 million are asylum seekers. 57% of those refugees come from three nations: Syria, Afghanistan, and South Sudan. Nearly “1 person is forcibly displaced every two seconds as a result of conflict or persecution”. (https://www.unhcr.org/en-us/figures-at-a-glance.html ) 

Equality Also Means Economic Equality

I delivered the following presentation on July 21, 2019, as part of a pre-conference series of talks on Vital Connections. I will be offering a workshop on Mindful Movements in August as part of this conference, but this talk tries to center the conversation around the ways that economic inequality leads to poor social health and drives the fragmentation of community. It is lightly edited. 

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CW: state-sanctioned violence, especially against immigrants and refugees; child sex abuse and predators; impacts of social and economic inequality; descriptions of ergotism (a disease)

There’s a complicated dance that we’re often doing when it comes to public speaking on topics of justice and social change. We want to be intentional about sharing important ideas and practices that can help us keep growing into the beloved community. We also want to speak from an awareness of what is happening in the world and our responsibility to act and live in a way that embodies a commitment to compassion and justice. It is not easy to choose what to leave out, and, as you know, I sometimes try to say too much. But this is one of those moments in history when important news and ongoing crises often demand a response. So I’m going off topic for a few minutes to say something more about the human rights crisis that continues to unfold along the U.S. border and in concentration camps and detention facilities across the nation.

Yes and No – Reflections on Love, Community, and Consent

This year marks the 50th anniversary of the Stonewall riot, which has become an enduring symbol of the persistent and insistent existence of folks with diverse sexual and gender identities. But the anniversary also reminds us of the profound need for continued progress, especially with regard to the most marginalized of us within the queer community. Beginning with this context, I then offer some reflections on relationships, especially regarding consent, that have enriched my life and made me a better person. These reflections were offered during a Pride event at Community Christian Church on June 9, 2019.  

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CW: gender and sexuality antagonisms and violence, especially transantagonsim 

I’d like to take a few minutes this morning, before getting to the topic at hand, to remember and honor the fiftieth anniversary of the Stonewall Riot. A lot has changed, or begun to change, over these years. Queer folks are not generally considered to be mentally ill anymore.(https://www.hrc.org/blog/flashbackfriday-today-in-1973-the-apa-removed-homosexuality-from-list-of-me and  https://www.hrw.org/news/2019/05/27/new-health-guidelines-propel-transgender-rights ) More people are acknowledging and embracing their sexuality and gender identity, both privately and publicly. (https://www.nbcnews.com/feature/nbc-out/record-4-5-percent-u-s-adults-identify-lgbt-gallup-n877486 ) There’s been progress in the general public’s understanding and acceptance of at least some of our identities and in at least some countries, (https://www.nbcnews.com/feature/nbc-out/global-lgbtq-acceptance-more-polarized-new-research-finds-n871106 ) and some progress in gaining basic rights and legal protections.(https://time.com/5554531/equality-act-lgbt-rights-trump/  ) I say ‘some,’ not because I’m ungrateful, but because I want to be honest. 

"Treacherous & Unintended Consequences"

The following are brief remarks given at Christian Community Church on April 28, reflecting on the recent violent acts that filled the news, including the Easter bombings in Sri Lanka. They have been lightly edited.

CW: Mass and state-sanctioned violence, anti-semitism

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Last Sunday, April 21, coordinated attacks at Christian churches and luxury hotels in Sri Lanka killed approximately 253 people and injured more than 500 more. (https://nypost.com/2019/04/25/sri-lanka-easter-bombing-death-toll-revised-to-253/ ) The investigation is ongoing, but Sri Lankan officials announced that the attacks were carried out by a “local Islamist militant group, with suspected international assistance.” The Sri Lankan State Minister of Defense further speculated that the bombings were in retaliation for the mosque attacks in Christchurch, New Zealand, last March. And, whether it is true or not, the “Islamic State claimed responsibility for the attack, which it said … targeted Christians and ‘citizens of Crusader coalition states.’” (https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/world/sri-lanka-easter-bombings-retaliation-for-christchurch-mosque-shootings-says-official/ar-BBWa1GU?ocid=spartanntp )

Climate Change and Economic Inequality

I recently participated in a local event honoring Earth Day, featuring presentations on climate change, the IPCC report, and the Green New Deal. I delivered a brief presentation that highlighted the connections between climate change and economic justice. My remarks are lightly edited. 

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If you have a pragmatist in your life, you have no doubt heard the saying, “Hope for the best; prepare for the worst.” It’s good sense, although it breaks down when it comes to the topic of catastrophic climate change. There’s no real way we can adequately comprehend, let alone prepare for, the worst case scenario here. In fact, this is the most risky and horrifying case of brinkmanship we have ever engaged in as a species.

What’s frustratingly difficult for most of us is our relative powerlessness when it comes to actually doing something meaningful to address climate change. It is true that all of us, especially all of us in the United States, are complicit. But we have also known for years that climate change is most driven by the choices of the very rich, and it is much easier to change light bulbs and grocery bags than the decisions of the rich and powerful. Addressing climate change will necessarily require addressing economic justice; they cannot be separated.  

Social Rejection & Social Change

I delivered this reflection on April 7, 2019, at Community Christian Church. After introducing some of the growing body of research that documents the impacts of social rejection on human health, I raise some questions about how we might more strategically build community and work for social change. It is lightly edited.

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CW: Sl-t shaming, bullying, social rejection

I was finishing high school when Bill Clinton was elected president of the United States. By his impeachment trial, I was in graduate school. And by the time he left office, I was married and working at a university. So it was that Clinton’s administration provided the context for me as a person growing into an understanding of myself, the world, and humanity’s place in it. The policies and debates of that time, both good and bad, invited me to think critically about all sorts of things that remain important in my life.